My son has learned many behaviors. Some are more noticeable than others, and some are irritating, but the one that struck me today was what he does as you carry him up the stairs. Stephanie mentioned it or I wouldn't have thought of it. As you carry him up the stairs after rocking him to sleep in the basement, he squints his eyes shut tightly. He does it whenever he's going to somewhere bright; like if I'm carrying him past the bathroom with the light on at night. I always figured it was just a reaction to the light, but this evening he did it while Stephanie was carrying him upstairs and the lights were all out. Apparently, he can sense when we're carrying him up the stairs and closes his eyes in anticipation. The light tends to stream down the stairs through the back door when we carry him up since it's usually for naps around midday. I'm glad that Stephanie pointed it out, because it's this kind of little thing that I usually miss. I spend all my time with him trying to take pictures and thinking about taking video also because I want to be able to remember and relive these times; I'm scared of missing anything, and I think as a result of that sort of thinking I often miss a lot of stuff. Similarly, when I get overly emotional at certain events (like my wedding) I try to bite my tongue, keep from crying or whatever, and sometimes find myself feeling too detached and really missing enjoying myself the way that I wish I had when I look back, or even while it's happening, but I usually can't get back into things; I just end up too cerebrally disengaged, detachedly observing what's happening to me. It's one of the things that depresses me when I look back on things.
It's kind of ironic that since I always think about how much nostalgia I have at times I have so few memories that are clear. You'd think that with the detailed centered memory that I have I would remember things that happened to me, but that's not really the case. I tend to have a few clear memories of specific things, but generally cannot point to any general senses of a lot of things. In Home Game, Michael Lewis talks a bit about how his parenting strategy differed from that of his father. I tried to think about my dad, but I can't really remember much of anything that I could compare. That's not to say my dad wasn't around or anything, I just don't remember much; I can't point to anything specific about my mother either.
I hope that as time goes on and being aware of it I can make a conscious effort to avoid the problem.